No shit, Sherlock

You know how, in primary school, there was this section in your report card where you had to fill in your cita-cita?  I remember writing, over the years, a whole range of professions; astronaut, cartoonist/artist, scientist, etc., but one that I can recall being greatly drawn to was that of a detective, in great part due to reading the Detective's Guide published by the Singaporean Bookworm Publishing House1.  It seemed to me a glamorous vocation, going around solving cases, catching crooks2 and generally looking like a much smarter cookie compared to your peers.  Once I even stole borrowed a magnifying glass from the science lab to practive my investigative and observation skills with.

Okay, I admit, I pretty much stared at random, innocuous stuff through the lens until the occasional friend walks past and then I explain to them what I was doing so that I could enthuse about detectiving.  A few friends even borrowed the aforementioned Bookworm book to equip themselves with the appropriate knowledge, such as dusting for fingerprints and learning big words like "modus operandi" and "alibi"3.  I even tried to write my own version of the book, but I ended up mostly copying verbatim what was already written.  I wish I still had that copied book somewhere (I also wish I still had all those gamebooks I drew, but that's a story for another time)...

A year or two later, I ran into a few Sherlock Holmes short stories edited to be read by kids (i.e. he wasn't addicted to cocaine and the English was much simpler and the short stories were even shorter) which resulted one of those "So this is what the guidebook was talking about!" moments.  Flash forward to today, and I am now finally in possession of the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes short stories (no Hounds and all that jazz) by way of Carrie never bothering to read her copy.

After reading Holmes in Conan Doyle's own words, I have come to a singular conclusion; Englishmen of the early 1900s ejaculate4 a lot.  Every other page you'll have Watson ejaculating:
"What on earth does this mean?" I ejaculated, after I had twice read over the extraordinary announcement. - The Red-Headed League
It must have been a really extraordinary announcement if it can cause someone to ejaculate after two readings.  Yeah, yeah, I know that back then 'ejaculate' was commonly used in the same vein as 'exclaim' or 'utter', but if you don't find it just a tad funny, you have no sense of humour.

Speaking of which, on Christmas eve Carrie and I went to catch the Sherlock Holmes film starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law.



As much as it veered so much from the traditional Holmes that we know, I enjoyed the movie.  I guess that's because when I entered the theatre, I didn't expect a traditional Holmes; otherwise we'd just get Adrian Monk less the OCD (which is what makes Monk so funny), and that just won't do well at the box office.  If you want traditional, go read the book.  Plus, Robert Downey Jr. was especially entertaining as Holmes, not to mention the awesome soundtrack by Hans Zimmer.

Oh, and to all you House fans out there; I know that House and Wilson are based on Holmes and Watson, but wasn't the latter couple's relationship in the film so much like the one between the former?  There were so many points in the film when I could've ejaculated "That's what House would do!"


Footnotes:
1 - I discovered, many years later, that the Bookworm book was a thinly veiled rip-off of the Usborne Detective Handbook, complete with similar covers.  I'd provide a visual comparison, but unfortunately I was unable to find a picture of the Bookworm cover.



2 - Back then, the crooks were the bullies of the school!  Not that I was bullied much, but someone had to be a champion of justice to represent us physically inept kids, right?
3 - I'd smudge my fingers with chocolate, leave prints all over the kitchen, then, armed with my mom's makeup brush and some powder, dust for them, and then check against a fingerprint file that I kept.  Kinda pointless, because the file only had my own fingerprints that I made using my mom's compact because we didn't have ink pads in my house.  Oh, and which kid doesn't like to learn pointless big words which they can, on the very rare occasion, use in their essays?
4 - I'd hate to be the kid who learned the word 'ejaculate' from Sherlock Holmes and used it in his essay before he learned the other meaning, though.

Guess who's back?

Hello and welcome to my new blog!  It's about time I changed, though.  Much as I loved the old layout, there was just too much baggage for me to update the html layout to xml, so I figured that the easiest way to start anew is by, well, starting a new... blog (har har).

So, I thought I'd start this new blog off with a big one, especially since the last time I actually blogged proper was back in April.  That's almost seven months worth of updating, so I'm gonna get started without further ado1.  First of all, I must admit that my final semester at Monash wasn't as exciting as I hoped.  It was pretty much more of the same, actually.  There was the Monash Music Festival that had great bands coming to play, and not forgetting too Peck Yun's mom's surprisingly awesome kebabs.


From Leanne's Facebook photos

This was followed by the annual MUISS Cultural Night, wherein I performed a little something-something (naturally).


From Victor's Facebook photos

And finally, after more than a year's absence from Chiling, the MNSM peeps raided the poor waterfall again.  Sadly, the usual suspects of Leanne and Cze Wien weren't around to liven things up.  Izuan wasn't on camera duty either, hence the dearth of pictures (even on Facebook).


From Ying Xuan's Facebook photos

Some time later I helped emcee the Dance Fusion club concert, though I can't seem to find any pictures of me online.  I also emceed the Monash University Medical Student Society's "Shave Me, Save Me" event, which was a resounding success despite the simple premise of collecting donations to get your hair cut/shaved (they raised RM35,000!).  Icky, who was my partner in crime, even took the plunge that day, shaving his top for RM100!


From Victor's Facebook photos

And that was it, as far as Monash events went.  However, what came after was probably the most fun I've ever had studying for my exams (srsly).  This semester, I decided to join Izuan, Kenzie, Jerry, Desmond and the rest in studying til late at night in uni, invading classrooms and camping there.  The latest I ever stayed was until 1am, I think.


From Ju Li's Facebook photos

One day, we spotted a tower crane at the construction site next to Monash being raised.  Haven't you ever wondered how a tower crane's height is raised?


From Izuan's Facebook photos

And then there were the many ways we wasted time, one major culprit being Plants vs. Zombies, over here being played by me and projected onto the screen in front of the class we were in.  Sometimes we'd freeze the screen and leave the projector on despite nobody playing it just to discourage other students from entering the class!


From Izuan's Facebook photos

One day, Izuan and I stumbled upon games from our days of yore; Choujin Sentai Jetman and Contra, courtesy of an NES emulator (although, back in the day, we played them on Micro Genius clones).


From Izuan's Facebook photos

Of course, since we already waste so much time not studying, we had to come up with a method to save time.  What we discovered was that we spend too much time deciding on where to eat, so one day we came up with a brilliant idea: We do it randomly.  It started with Izuan writing down a list of places to eat and then using a calculator's random function to determine it.  Eventually, he even wrote a simple program to do it, and we called our new 'religion' Listology and the calculator/program the Deus Ex Machina (okay, maybe I was the only one who called it that, the rest just simply called it God).

Aaaaaaanyway...

I did okay for my final semester, netting a High Distinction, two Distinctions and a Credit.  Was hoping for better but what can you do, eh?  At least I made up for it by pulling off an awesome stunt at my graduation ceremony.  When I went up on stage to receive my scroll, I shook hands with the chancellor, Alan Larkin...



...and then I faced the audience, held my degree high up in the air and yelled "I'VE GOT THE POWER" in the best, booming voice I could muster.  And most of you (all three of you who read my blog!) know how loud I can get.





If you look closely, you can see the senior lecturers on the back LOL-ing.  The look on Alan Larkin's face as he turned back to look at me though, is priceless.

So that's about it for my final semester at Monash.  I have to admit, my three years of uni were some of the best I've ever had in my entire life, and had a lot to do with shaping me into the person I am today (ask almost anybody that knew me in high school; I've changed a lot).  I was so reluctant to leave that the week after my final exam, I started working at Monash's International Students Office, a gig that lasted from July to September before quitting to look for a 'real' job.



But first, an aside.  Some of you guys may know me for being quite an avid player of Magic: the Gathering.  On the 4th of July, I participated in my very first Malaysian National Championships.  I never thought I would do well enough to compete in the Nationals, but this year I managed to qualify (yes, you have to be qualified).  To my own surprise, I managed to go undefeated in the first day of the competition, eventually making the Top 8 out of 84 players after 12 rounds of competition.  Very few people manage to make the Top 8 on their first Nationals appearance, so I guess it was only appropriate that I got knocked out in the quarterfinals by another National Championship virgin2 ,Bryan Chen.


From QJ Wong's blog

Nevertheless, I finished 6th and won myself a cool USD350 for my efforts, vindicating the time and money I've poured into the game (a hell of a lot more than USD350, though...) for the past 11 years.  I can't ask for much more than that.  Rest assured, I will be trying much harder next year!

Back to work.  Work at the International Students Office was interesting, as I had full contact with the students, many whom were friends and acquaintances.  Additionally, part of my job entails going on trips to the airport to greet and guide new students through immigration3.  At the same time, I was able to meet up with Izuan, Desmond and the rest during lunch and whatnot.

But of course I didn't intend to work at that office forever.  After much encouragement from my mother (read: nagging... oh, hi mom!4), I spent an entire month shooting my resumés out for consideration.  I almost became a bank employee, but instead I took up an offer at IBM.  You probably can't go wrong with an MNC (or as they like to call themselves, a "globally integrated enterprise") for your first "real" job, I guess.  In fact, so many Monash graduates had the same idea that my 20-person department has two other Monash graduates.  By process of exaggeration extrapolation, I conclude that there are approximately 3,974,201 Monashians in IBM (and growing by the hour!).

So, my studies... Magic... Work...  That leaves me with choir.  Rhythmic Roots, our annual production, happened during my second week of work (also the second week of November), pretty much throwing a massive wrench into my biological clockwork.  I work from 6am to 3pm because I service Australian clients, you see, and having to shuttle between One Utama and Lot Ten (heh, shuttling from One to Ten) every evening for dress rehearsals and shows and only going to bed at 12 seriously messed up my health.  I've had a cold and had been coughing up phlegm for 34 days (yes, I counted) now, and if you were wondering, yeah I'm still kinda sick.

But this year's show was totally off the hook, though.  The choreography was sweet as, courtesy of the insanely talented and insanely funny Lakshman "Lex" Balakrishnan, plus we were directed by the legendary Joe Hasham.  If you missed this year's show, you suck!  Damn right, son.  I hope I get access to the video recording of the show soon, though.  We didn't really have an official photographer come in this year (at least, not that I know of) so all you get are stuff ripped from the pages of Facebook.


From Alvin's Facebook photos



From Alvin's Facebook photos


From Carolyn's Facebook photos

The girlfriend and I are still going strong by the way, thanks for asking.  In any case, you (all three of you) are now officially updated on the life and going-ons of Zhen for the better part of 2009.  Let's just hope that I find the drive to keep updating this blog on a regular basis from now onwards.

It's the home stretch for 2009, guys.  Let's make the last weeks of the last year of this decade an awesome one!


Footnotes:
1 - It's "without further ado" and not "without further adieu."  Ado means fuss or delay, while adieu is French for goodbye.  It's one of my English pet peeves that I sometimes can't bring myself to correct lest I seem like a douchebag.
2 - You might say that Mr. Bryan Chen (the guy in the photo) deflowered me.  That sorta makes that photo porn, doesn't it?
3 - New intakes of international students aren't allowed out of the airport unless they have a representative from their college/university to clear them through immigration.  For me, driving to the airport takes only about an hour, so I can make it there in a jiffy in the off-chance that a student appears in Malaysia too early due to changes in flight plans.  But what about colleges in, say, Melaka?  There have been so many cases of students getting stuck in the airport immigration office for days on end when they fail to contact their agents.
4 - The three people who read this blog are my sister, my mom, and you, whoever you are!