Ramblings 1

Earlier this year, my mom finally took the leap and started learning how to use a computer, egged on by her ex-schoolmates who could all be found on Facebook.  As a result, she has begun invading politely accessing my room on occasion to use my old desktop, if six years can be considered old.  And for the past couple of months, I've been wondering if there were something wrong with my computer as it would still be running when I get home from work, despite my mom's insistence that she always turns it off.

Just last week I discovered that for her, 'turning off' means clicking on the Start button, clicking on the Shut Down button, clicking on the Turn Off Computer button, and then waiting for the computer to go silent.  After that, she will press the button on the computer monitor, followed by the big round button on the CPU.

Mystery solved.  When I told her about her mistake, she told me she didn't know that pressing the button on the CPU starts the computer up again.  I'm also pretty sure that, when my mom reads this (hi mom), she will come up to me and give me the usual "You don't need to tell the world about your mother!".  But I have to!

Two weeks ago, Carrie and I went to catch the new Prince of Persia movie.  First of all, it's a Jerry Bruckheimer production, whose name had become synonymous with action-adventure films that are loud on the bangs and generous with the laughs¹.  Jerry and Disney collaborations had thus far been generally well-received; National Treasure was engaging and the Pirates films were just awesome (okay, maybe just the first one).  Prince of Persia didn't fail to disappoint, although the characters seemed to keep taking unnecessary detours that didn't lend anything credible to the story².  I mean come on, if they wanted Prince Dastan's head for the king's reward, they had approximately 1,349,217 opportunities to kill and/or capture him waaaay before the ostrich race.

Nevertheless, my movie-going experience was enjoyable.  In fact, I was just as amused watching trailers to new movies as I was watching Prince of Persia itself.  Normally, the trailers that are screened before the start of each movie tend to be in the same genre or have the same audiences as the film being screened.  As Prince of Persia is a Disney untuk tontonan umum film, we were treated to the trailers of films such as Toy Story 3 and The Last Airbender⁴ (aka the Avatar that won't make as much money as the other one).  And then there was the trailer for Chloe.

Chloe was anything but an untuk tontonan umum film.  Wikipedia describes it as an "erotic thriller", and the trailer was highly suggestive.  By highly suggestive, I mean that the audience was treated to Amanda Seyfried (hot) looking like this (sans the censorship stars and the play button):

And this was in a trailer for an umum film.  Not just that, later you also see Ms. Seyfried locking lips with Julianne Moore, as well as actual boobies in all their glory (you can see the actual trailer here).  Considering that most films screened here get their kissing scenes censored, seeing naked people in a movie trailer must mean that the country is taking a step in the right direction.  Either that or somebody in the Malaysian Censorship Board decided that kids here (there were so many in the cinema that day) needed the early exposure to sex education.

While still on the subject of movies, I finally watched The Sound of Music in its entirety for the very first time.  I don't think it's that big of a deal, but apparently it is somewhat of a beginner's course⁶ (I can't think of a better analogy) for anybody remotely into musicals or choir music.  I've actually seen bits and pieces of the show throughout my childhood like everybody else, but I don't recall anything about the Nazis.

Speaking of childhood and sex...⁷  When I was a child of eight or nine, I got my first view of the nude female form thanks to my parents and relatives who decided that they needn't put me back in the room when they were watching Species.  I also remember that there was this one scene where a guy was putting on his pants after doing the dirty deed, and I helpfully exclaimed to my amused relatives that he didn't put any underwear on first.

And that wraps up this edition of ramblings from me; have a good weekend.


Footnotes:
1 - As opposed to Michael Bay action-adventure films that are even louder on the bangs, but fail epically on being cerebral.  I mean seriously, a pair of twins from robot ghetto?  And who could forget "I'm directly below enemy scrotum"?  I could go on and on.
2 - Except for the trader dude³ and the Ngbaka guy.  It seems that Disney adventure films cannot work unless they have a bumbling, semi-useful buffoonish character as a comedic foil to the suave lead.  Except for the time when the lead is the bumbling, semi-useful buffoon, i.e. Jack Sparrow.
3 - I didn't even realise that it was Alfred Molina (of Dr. Octopus fame) playing the part.  Did you know that he was Tevye in the 2004 Broadway revival of Fiddler on the Roof?
4 - I watched the trailer and determined that it was probably not going to be a movie I'd pay RM11 to watch (it was boring).  Then I saw the Japanese trailer which was infinitely more awesome than the clichéd American one⁵ and changed my mind.
5 - You know how a typical American movie trailer looks like.  It always finishes with a montage of action clips accompanied by loud, rousing music, but just before the end the music will fade off/stop, followed by a one-liner from a character.
6 - Sondheim material would make excellent advanced level reading.
7 - Childhood and sex; two words you should try never to use in the same sentence, unless the latter refers to the "Are you a boy or a girl?" kind.  Incidentally, I don't think I've ever heard the question "Are you a boy or a girl?" directed to anybody else except to extremely confused toddlers.

No shit, Sherlock

You know how, in primary school, there was this section in your report card where you had to fill in your cita-cita?  I remember writing, over the years, a whole range of professions; astronaut, cartoonist/artist, scientist, etc., but one that I can recall being greatly drawn to was that of a detective, in great part due to reading the Detective's Guide published by the Singaporean Bookworm Publishing House¹.  It seemed to me a glamorous vocation, going around solving cases, catching crooks² and generally looking like a much smarter cookie compared to your peers.  Once I even stole borrowed a magnifying glass from the science lab to practive my investigative and observation skills with.

Okay, I admit, I pretty much stared at random, innocuous stuff through the lens until the occasional friend walks past and then I explain to them what I was doing so that I could enthuse about detectiving.  A few friends even borrowed the aforementioned Bookworm book to equip themselves with the appropriate knowledge, such as dusting for fingerprints and learning big words like "modus operandi" and "alibi"³.  I even tried to write my own version of the book, but I ended up mostly copying verbatim what was already written.  I wish I still had that copied book somewhere (I also wish I still had all those gamebooks I drew, but that's a story for another time)...

A year or two later, I ran into a few Sherlock Holmes short stories edited to be read by kids (i.e. he wasn't addicted to cocaine and the English was much simpler and the short stories were even shorter) which resulted one of those "So this is what the guidebook was talking about!" moments.  Flash forward to today, and I am now finally in possession of the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes short stories (no Hounds and all that jazz) by way of Carrie never bothering to read her copy.

After reading Holmes in Conan Doyle's own words, I have come to a singular conclusion; Englishmen of the early 1900s ejaculate⁴ a lot.  Every other page you'll have Watson ejaculating:

"What on earth does this mean?" I ejaculated, after I had twice read over the extraordinary announcement. - The Red-Headed League

It must have been a really extraordinary announcement if it can cause someone to ejaculate after two readings.  Yeah, yeah, I know that back then 'ejaculate' was commonly used in the same vein as 'exclaim' or 'utter', but if you don't find it just a tad funny, you have no sense of humour.

Speaking of which, on Christmas eve Carrie and I went to catch the Sherlock Holmes film starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law.

As much as it veered so much from the traditional Holmes that we know, I enjoyed the movie.  I guess that's because when I entered the theatre, I didn't expect a traditional Holmes; otherwise we'd just get Adrian Monk less the OCD (which is what makes Monk so funny), and that just won't do well at the box office.  If you want traditional, go read the book.  Plus, Robert Downey Jr. was especially entertaining as Holmes, not to mention the awesome soundtrack by Hans Zimmer.

Oh, and to all you House fans out there; I know that House and Wilson are based on Holmes and Watson, but wasn't the latter couple's relationship in the film so much like the one between the former?  There were so many points in the film when I could've ejaculated "That's what House would do!"


Footnotes:
1 - I discovered, many years later, that the Bookworm book was a thinly veiled rip-off of the Usborne Detective Handbook, complete with similar covers.  I'd provide a visual comparison, but unfortunately I was unable to find a picture of the Bookworm cover.

2 - Back then, the crooks were the bullies of the school!  Not that I was bullied much, but someone had to be a champion of justice to represent us physically inept kids, right?
3 - I'd smudge my fingers with chocolate, leave prints all over the kitchen, then, armed with my mom's makeup brush and some powder, dust for them, and then check against a fingerprint file that I kept.  Kinda pointless, because the file only had my own fingerprints that I made using my mom's compact because we didn't have ink pads in my house.  Oh, and which kid doesn't like to learn pointless big words which they can, on the very rare occasion, use in their essays?
4 - I'd hate to be the kid who learned the word 'ejaculate' from Sherlock Holmes and used it in his essay before he learned the other meaning, though.